Animals

What are you going to do me a drawing of?

Scott: Good question.

That’s your new catchphrase!

Scott: Maybe it’s the truth, though.

That I always ask good questions?

Scott: How about we talk about… (pause) Animals.

Animals?

Scott: Yep. Random – just said it randomly.

And what animal are you going to draw?

Scott: I don’t know.

You could make up an animal.

Scott: Nah – I’m going to draw a funny thing.

So what do you want to tell me?

Scott: Em… I don’t know – I just thought it would be a good thing to blog about.

How would you describe an animal?

Scott: Em… Like, em… A kind of living being.

Like you?

Scott: Maybe.

Like Helen?

Scott: Probably.

Like Grandpa?

Scott: (laughs) The bargain being? Nope.

How many animals are there?

Scott: Lots.

More than eight?

Scott: (laughs) Yeah.

What’s the strangest animal?

Scott: A pig. Not. I can’t really think of one, actually.

What’s the most common animal?

Scott: Probably some sort of bug.

What’s the most annoying animal?

Scott: Baddest.

The sheep Helen met?

Scott: That was funny.

What’s the scariest animal?

Scott: Em… Well thing is, sharks are scary but they don’t actually always bite you.

What’s the friendliest animal?

Scott: Probably some sort of little gerbil or, like, pet rats.

What’s your favourite animal?

Scott: Don’t know…

Under the sea animals

You want to blog?

Scott: I don’t know.

Will I ask Helen?

Scott: If she has anything to blog about.

What would you like to blog about, Helen?

Helen: Hmm… Daddy…

Any ideas?

Helen: Eh… Under the sea animals that are, like, under the sea.

Do you always blog about that?

Helen: No – we hardly blog about that now. We used to always blog about animals, but now we don’t. When I was four, I used to always talk about that – two years ago.

So…

Helen: Underwater animals.

Why do you like underwater animals?

Helen: I don’t know. Mainly because they’re important and people drop plastic bags in the sea and they get all tangled up in them. And bottles. And then they die. Or they get strangled. They die. Literally. People who are sad of dying and they start reading this…

And that makes them sadder?

Helen: Yeah.

And what would happen?

Helen: What would happen? They would die. There’s a thing that makes a whale die, and it’s called a harpoon. They used to hunt whales and used whale oil for lamps. I’ve only known that since last Monday.

Whales are very big.

Helen: Yeah – they must have huge… They must have to shoot them in that little hole in the back where they get the water out.

What’s your favourite underwater animal?

Helen: Well… My favourite would be a mermaid.

What would be your least favourite?

Helen: Shark.

Why?

Helen: I can say why that is for a girl. Sharks eat everything. Mermaids – nice. Don’t do any harm. Friendly. Cool. Sharks – scary. If they came up on the land, they would eat everyone and everything.

Rats

Ray the rat, pictured by Scott on one of his trips from the cage.

So we’ve got a loan of a couple of rats for a few days.

Scott: Yeah.

How are they?

Scott: Great.

What are they called?

Scott: Em… Ray and Steve. Ray’s the brown one that likes exploring and Steve’s the one that does basically nothing apart eat and sleep. I think we’re going to get on well with the rats, aren’t we?

I think so.

Scott: Yeah, you can say that.

What’s the best thing about them?

Scott: (holds nose) I can tell you the worst thing.

The smell?

Scott: Yeah.

The rats don’t smell at all – that smell’s their special Sunday dinner.

Scott: I know – it’s the cat food. Phew!

Luckily, they only have that once a week.

Scott: Will we still be able to watch TV with the rats?

Yes, as long as you’re quiet and don’t jump about.

Scott: I’ll try.

Okay, I think we’ll get on fine then.

Scott: Okay!

Steve Backshall

So you went to see Steve Backshall today for Luke’s birthday – how was he?

Scott: I’ll tell you – 100 per cent of the chances you don’t take, you’re not going to end up with.

What does that mean?

Scott: I mean that Steve saw a brand new type of fake ant and it… And he didn’t take it. And that’s one of the opportunities that he missed that he didn’t take, and it could have been a great discovery.

Why didn’t he take it?

Scott: I don’t know.

What else did he tell you?

Scott: Lots of things. Never to be scared of animals. Here’s one way… If you went into a class of four and five-year-olds and showed them a tarantula, they’d be excited and happy. Then in a class of seven and eight-year-olds, they’d get all scared. It’s better to be in the four and five-year-olds, because they’re not scared.

That’s true. Did he say what the scariest animal he’s met is?

Scott: Well, the scariest thing that’s happened to him… Humpback whales have a very special way of catching fish and they did it all round Steve’s boat. And it was just a little one.

How do they catch fish?

Scott: It’s about a group of 15 humpback whales – one of those humpback whales goes down and blows bubbles the other whales can’t get through, then they all rise above the surface and catch about a dozen fish in one go.

Sounds like you really enjoyed it and you learned a lot too.

Scott: There’s lots of things. For one, people should stop hunting tigers and lots of other endangered species. And people should stop being scared of snakes and sharks – if you’re not, that’s good. Well, snakes don’t actually want to hurt anybody. If you go near it, it likes to say: “Ssssss…” It’s trying to be scary, it doesn’t want to hurt you. It hardly does any harm unless something really, really bad happens. Well, sharks do look scary as you know, but I won’t say that they do actually harm you. If you went down swimming with a shark, it mainly wouldn’t bite you or anything.

I’ve learned so much – thank you!

Helen: Bravo! The amazing shark eater. The amazing broccoli eater, I mean. I like broccoli, do you Scott?

Scott: Yes, I do – now be quiet.

Talking animals

Yesterday, there was an angry debate about whether animals could actually talk, so Daddy turned to the most reliable of sources, the internet, to prove he was right…

Scott: Okay, now I believe you. Okay, now I believe you. I thought the dog who said ‘sausages’ was funny.

Helen: I thought the parrot was funny. Daddy, I liked the parrot.

So do you believe animals can talk?

Helen: No.

Scott: Now I do.

Helen: Now I do, but I didn’t.

So what do you think?

Scott: Now I think they exist and I think they’re quite silly. One went: “Talk to me.”

What creature?

Scott: A… Bird… And I like the one that had sound effects.

So can animals talk?

Scott:  No no no no no no.

Helen: Well, a parrot can’t.

A parrot can’t?

Helen: No.

Why not?

Helen: Because they’ve not got a mouth.

Scott: Yes, they do have, to say: “twit twoo.”

What do parrots have instead of mouths?

Helen: Beaks.

Can all animals talk?

Scott: I just said: no.

What animals can talk?

Scott: Parrots. A few dogs can… it’s especially birds that can.

And what animals can’t?

Scott: A few dogs can’t. Rhinos and dinosaurs etc etc.

Can any humans not talk?

Scott: Dumb ones can’t. Dumb is a word for can’t speak. Some humans can’t speak, yes.

Animals

A selection of creatures from the animal kingdom - some real (a dinsoaur) and some maybe not (a cockatoo).

What is an animal?

Scott: An animal… I don’t really know how to explain it… An animal is a thing that’s sometimes useful and sometimes just does nothing and is hardly ever useful. Well, all animals are useful.

Helen: Sometimes cockatoos can be bad.

Scott: Cockatoos don’t exist.

Helen: They do, dumbhead.

Scott: No-one wants to hear the ‘D’ word on my blog.

Helen, what is an animal?

Helen: A tiger.

Scott: An animal is a tiger?

Helen: I know an animal – a cockatoo. And an elephant.

So what’s the difference between an animal and a human?

Scott: They can’t even speak.

Some can.

Scott: Like, name one.

Helen: An elephant.

A parrot or a mynah bird.

Scott: I don’t know what a mynah bird is, but maybe they can speak in movies.

So is the only difference between us and animals speech?

Scott: And some animals can fly – and and animals are sometimes big and sometimes smaller than a medium size human.

Are animals friends or enemies?

Scott: It depends on which animal it is.

Helen: They’re not friends.

Scott: They are – they give us food.

Helen: No they don’t, cows give us milk.

Scott: Pigs give us food, cows give us milk and cheese, don’t they Daddy?

What do you think, Helen?

Helen: No.

Scott: Milk, cheese and yoghurt.

What do tigers give us?

Scott: They just sort of give their meat and you could use their teeth for knives.

Are there any animals you know that aren’t real?

Scott: I’m sure cockatoos are made-up animals.

Why?

Scott: Well, because… I don’t… They’re from a book and not all animals from books are real.

So, you’ve read books about dragons and unicorns and you think cockatoos aren’t real?

Scott: I just thought it – I don’t really know about it.