Ghosts

Helen’s drawing of a ghost.

What will we talk about, then?

Helen: Kippers.

Scott: Why should we talk about kippers?

What are kippers, Helen?

Helen: Actually, no. I don’t want to talk about kippers, it’s a stupid idea.

What will we talk about instead?

Scott: Hmm… Toothbrushes?

Helen: Nah, that’s boring.

Scott: If you’ve got a better idea…

Helen: Bees.

Scott: Hilarious…

Helen: Daddy, can we talk about bees?

Scott: Hilarious…

Unless Scott’s got any better ideas?

Scott: Hmm… What about ghosts?

Okay – what is a ghost?

Scott: Eh… Let’s say, just a living dead person.

Are they real?

Scott: Hmm… Depends.

Helen: No.

Scott: I guess you don’t believe in ghosts… Depends if you believe in ghosts or not.

Helen: I believe in Jesus. Lulu’s says she’s a vegetarian because she doesn’t eat sausages or ham – she doesn’t eat anything that’s vegetarian.

Scott: So she doesn’t eat leaves or grass or carrots?

Helen: No, she doesn’t eat meat.

Scott: She could eat beef.

Helen: Beef’s meat.

Scott: What about pork?

Helen: Can’t eat that.

Scott: What about lamb?

Helen: Can’t eat that.

Scott: Hamburgers?

Helen: Can’t have that because she can’t eat ham.

Why do you believe in Jesus, Helen?

Helen: I don’t know – just do. I know Jesus is real.

Scott: How do you know?

Helen: I mean… I mean Tea-sus is real.

Ghosts

What is a ghost?

Scott: Well, a ghost is… The easiest way to put it is as (singing) a spirit from the dead.

Are they real?

Scott: Yes.

How do you know?

Scott: (pause) See the photographs – the photographs in the book.

How is a ghost created?

Scott: (pause) From the dead, as I said.

But how does it happen?

Scott: They come out of the grave as vapour. Quite obviously, and that’s okay.

And where do they live?

Scott: I don’t really think ghosts live places.

So where do they hang out?

Scott: I don’t really think they do either.

So what do they do?

Scott: Walk around unseen and pop out wherever and whenever they feel like it.

Would you like to see a ghost?

Scott: If it was possible, and if I brought a camera.

Would it not be scary?

Scott: Not really.

Why not?

Scott: Well, it wouldn’t… Well, yes and no. It would be scary and exciting – so I don’t really know what that is.

What would you like to see a ghost of?

Scott: I don’t know.

What would you not like to see a ghost of?

Scott: I don’t know.

Helen, what would you like to see a ghost of?

Helen: Hay.

Scott: Why would you want to see a ghost of hay? Hay doesn’t die.

Helen: I mean a ghost built out of hay.

An excerpt from one of Daddy's favourite childhood books, 1977's All About Ghosts - now it's one of Scott's favourite books.

Ghosts again

A ghost. Of someone who was killed by an arrow, I guess.

Scott: Ghosts?

Ghosts?

Scott: Em… Okay.

What are ghosts?

Helen: Things that are invisible.

Scott: Not all ghosts are invisible. Ghosts are… Kind of… Living images of dead people.

Are they real?

Scott: Yes.

How do you know?

Scott: Remember your book! That’s the whole point of it.

Helen, are ghosts real?

Helen: No.

Why not?

Helen: Because you can’t see them.

Scott: That… That doesn’t mean they’re not real. You haven’t seen a hippopotamus…

Helen: I have.

Scott: When?

Helen: On the nursery trip.

Scott: Have you seen a dinosaur?

Helen: No.

Scott: But you still know they’re real – it’s the same with ghosts.

So that’s the mystery of ghosts solved – they’re real.

Scott: Yes. Have you read your book or not? Duh…

Ghosts

Scott's ghost - very scary and zombie-like.

Ghosts?

Scott: We’ve already talked about that, but okay. I think I’d do a very good drawing of one now.

What is a ghost?

Scott: Eh… Sort of a see-through version of a person.

Are they real?

Scott: Yes – I do believe in them, but Helen doesn’t.

Helen: Yes I do.

Scott: Then why did you say no when Daddy asked if you believe in them?

Helen: I do believe.

Have you ever seen one?

Helen: Yes.

Scott: Told you she claimed she did. When?

Helen: When I was in the bath and it nibbled my toes.

What did the ghost look like?

Helen: It was a sort of see-through person – white.

Scott: What did the person look like?

Helen: Very white.

Was it scary?

Helen: Yes.

You don’t sound very scared.

Helen: (whimper)

Are you lying or telling the truth?

Helen: Telling the truth.

Really?

Helen: Yes.

Do you believe her, Scott?

Scott: Never, until she’s about 100 would I believe her – never in a month of Sundays.

Ghosts

A ghost, Wooooooo!

Scott: Ghosts.

So what is a ghost?

Scott: They don’t exist.

Helen: They don’t even look like anything, they don’t look like anything I know – glub glub. They’re white all over.

Scott, how do you know they don’t exist?

Scott: Well, I’ve never ever seen one – if they did, they’d be very common because a lot of people have died during the past.

Have you ever seen an elephant?

Scott: I do know they exist – maybe, I’m not sure.

Helen: I have.

Scott: Why were we talking about elephants? I thought our project was ghosts?

Well, I was going to say that you’ve never seen an elephant and you know they exist – why should ghosts be different?

Scott: People don’t come back from the dead so they don’t exist – and a lot of people have died and it’s a wonder this world isn’t covered in ghosts by now. If they exist, the world would be covered in ghosts.

But people have seen ghosts.

Scott: Have they? Can anyone prove that to me? Even a picture of a ghost.

I’ll show you one (Daddy shows Scott book of ghost he read as a child).

Scott: I can’t believe they exist – I wonder if I’ve ever seen one?

I’m not saying they do or don’t exist.

Scott: They might. Can I read your book?

It might be a bit scary.

Scott: I’ll manage.

Are ghosts real or not?

Scott: I’m feeling… I can’t really decide because of that picture – it made me in the middle.

If ghosts exist, what do you think they are?

Scott: They’d be like sort of… shadowy black and white people so they’re like in black and white like it’s in older days TV – that’s sort of black and white. If we’d walked through them, we’d feel like we dropped into an ice cold bath.

Would they be scary?

Scott: Em… I’m not sure about that one – let’s not do that question.

Some people think a ghost is a bit of a person left behind after they die.

Scott: Can people turn into ghosts?

Nobody knows if they exist.

Scott: I think people who have seen them think they do.

You might see a ghost tonight.

Scott: I don’t think it’ll happen really. Maybe if I look round, I might see one.

If you see one, I hope it’s a friendly ghost.

Scott: It’ll only be out the window.

Why?

Scott: Because I might be looking out the window.

But it might be in your room.

Scott: I don’t think there’s much chance of that.

Why not?

Scott: Well, I know that ghosts go through walls and all that but… There’s hardly any chance because it’s night-time and there’s not much chance of being able to see much, right?