Jimmy The Robot

Scott: So what are you going to ask me?

What do you want to talk about?

Scott: Hmm… Mmm…

You had a sleepover at Gran’s last night…

Scott: Yeah – I did.

Anything about that?

Scott: Nah.

Anything interesting happen today?

Scott: Apart from, like, not being able to to go swimming, although we tried two different pools – or was it three? I don’t know…

Pokemon?

Scott: Eh… What about it?

Want to talk about it?

Scott: There’s not really many interesting things. I don’t know.

I could suggest something?

Scott: Okay.

God?

Scott: Give me a few options to choose from and I’ll pick one.

God. Earthquakes. Aliens. Robots.

Scott: Robots.

Okay, what is a robot?

Scott: Well, depends what your idea of a robot is – because a computer is a robot but a robot is also kind of like a man machine thing.

What do you think?

Scott: My idea of a robot is like a man thing, but any sort of computer thing can be a robot.

I thought a robot moved?

Scott: Does it?

I thought so.

Scott: So are you saying you’re a robot?

Yes.

Scott: That’s weird.

You’re a robot too.

Scott: Okay – that’s quite a weird definition.

Is a robot not something computerised that moves?

Scott: Hmm… I don’t know.

Are robots evil?

Scott: Well… Not that I know of – but they probably can, if that makes sense.

If you had a robot, what would you call it?

Scott: I don’t know.

You have to give it a name.

Scott: God!

God?

Scott: (laughs) No.

What, then?

Scott: What if I didn’t name it?

You have to.

Scott: God! Okay… I don’t know… Just think up some mechanical… Robots aren’t going to happen any time soon.

If you had one today…

Scott: God…

Give me a name…

Scott: Can I just not do this question?

Come on!

Scott: Hmm… That’s so hard to think of!

One name…

Scott: Jimmy!

Jimmy?

Scott: (laughs) It’s the first thing that came into my head. God, that’s so weird. Jimmy!

Robots

Scott’s robots, although I’m not sure which one – if any – is Mr Blue 104…

Well?

Helen: Robots.

Scott: Do you always have to say that, Helen?

Helen: I always want to talk about it…

What will we talk about if we don’t talk about robots, then?

Scott: Maybe we could blog about my Lego animation…

Well, I can’t upload it, so it probably won’t be that interesting… What else?

Helen: Robots? Something robotic?

Scott: What about…

Helen: Poos?

Scott: Robots!

Helen: Yes, let’s blog about robots.

So, robots then?

Scott: Yeah – robots.

What is a robot?

Helen: It something that you might play with.

Scott: (laughs)

What is it then, Scott?

Scott: Eh… Well, it does depend on your idea of robots – but something that you play with is out of the question. They’re humanoid machines that most people have an idea of that they’ll do work for you. It’s not what Helen imagines…

Are robots good or bad?

Helen: Good.

Scott: Still depends on your idea of robots.

Helen: Most of them can be bad.

I think this is going to be like last night…

Scott: Your idea of is: there’s usually some good robots and some bad ones.

Helen: It depends on your ideas.

If you had a robot, what would you call it?

Helen: Billy.

Scott: I’m not sure robots need names.

Helen: I would call mine Billy.

Scott: There’s a catchy name I’ve always been thinking of: Mr Blue 104…

…And Helen’s robot – presumably Billy.

Robots

Scott’s robot…

What will we talk about?

Scott: I’m not sure. Any suggestions?

Helen: Starfishes?

Scott: Em… Anything else?

Helen: Nah… Starfishes or squids.

Scott: Can we do something that isn’t water creatures?

Helen: I don’t want to do anything else. People?

What do you think?

Helen: I want a starfish. Can I draw a starfish? Starfish or person – that’s the only choice for me.

Scott: What about robots?

Helen: Yeah!

What is a robot?

Scott: A… A humanoid electric – how would you put it? – thing. The number 2000 is usually used in stuff like that.

Like how?

Scott: The Roboman 2000. But 200 sounds completely different. Etcetra.

Would you like a robot?

Scott: Em… Depends on what it does.

Helen: Yes, that’s what I was doing… What would it do? If it was furniture…

What would be the best thing it could do?

Scott: The kind of… The homework helper invention sounds good.

Helen: Clean the dishes.

You never clean the dishes anyway!

Helen: One that tidies up.

Scott: You always ask her to tidy up…

What if the robot was evil and attacked you?

Scott: Well, we wouldn’t buy it.

Helen: What if we didn’t know?

Scott: Well, does it matter?

It would if you got a robot and it was evil and it attacked you.

Scott: Robots haven’t been invented yet, so what does it matter?

Helen: Yes, they have.

Scott: Name me one time.

Helen: Harry And The Robots.

Scott: That’s fiction, so it’s not going to ever happen…

…And Helen’s.

Robots

Scott: Robots?

Okay, what is a robot?

Scott: I never thought there was an easier way to describe it. I’ll be using very long and big words.

Try and describe it.

Scott: Well… I could say a mechanic person.

That’s  a great description – what does a robot do?

Scott: Well, there’s lots of different types of robot – so who knows?

What’s your favourite type?

Helen: Scott farted.

Scott: FLUDD.

Out of Super Mario Sunshine?

Scott: Yes.

Is that a robot?

Scott: Yes.

What does it do?

Scott: Well, it’s a water-squirting robot.

What do you think a robot is, Helen?

Helen: A sort of thing that’s made of metal.

And what does it do?

Helen: If you press it’s buttons, you can move her.

What’s your favourite robot?

Helen: A rainbow one.

If you could invent a robot, what would it do?

Helen: Talk to you or…

Scott: I think I’d like to invent a real-life FLUDD.

Helen: What is FLUDD, Daddy?

It’s a water-squirting robot out of Super Mario Sunshine.

Helen: Oh.

Does that sound fun?

Helen: Yes.

Scott: Inventing a real-life FLUDD would really ward off Baby Bowser and would clean up a lot of graffiti…

Robots

You wanted to tell me about robots.

Scott: Yeah, we’ll tell you about it now.

Helen: Robots have toothpaste and skinny legs.

Scott: When robots are broken, they say: “Beep bop beepity beep.”

Helen: I know what they say when they are still, like this…

Scott: Robots are powered by electricity and they’re usually made of metal.

Do robots exist in real life?

Helen: Yes.

Scott: They can sometimes.

So where would you see a robot?

Scott: I don’t think it’s very often – maybe some scientists have them.

Helen: Maybe some scientists.

Scott: That’s what I just said.

Helen: Maybe some scientists have them.

Scott: Helen – yes, that means real ones. Helen, we all know that one of the most famous scientists can’t walk or do anything.

Helen: He can watch TV.

Scott: His arms don’t even work. Robots are useful – well, they would be if they existed.

What would a robot do?

Scott: They might do home cleaning.

Helen: Or red cleaning for us.

Are robots good or bad?

Scott: Well, they would be good – but in rare circumstances, they’re bad.

What are those circumstances?

Scott: I don’t know. If they eat an apple, they might go sour and get bad.

Helen: And they might go: “That’s too sour beep beep beep.”

Can you give me the name of a famous robot?

Scott: I don’t really know any famous robots.

Helen: I know some.

Scott: I don’t know any. I don’t even know the name of a robot, so why would I?

Helen: Daddy, what did Scott say?

He said he doesn’t know the names of any robots.

Helen: I did…

Scott: Never met a famous one.

Helen: I do.

Scott: What?

Helen: Britney.

Britney the robot?

Helen: Yeah. And my other one is – I tell you – Eleanor.

Are those chipmunks?

Helen: No, they’re robots. But I made the chipmunk names up. Britney’s other name is Rebecca.

Scott, some famous robots are R2D2, C3PO or K9.

Scott: Okay – I wasn’t thinking of that in the circumstances.

If you had a robot, what would it do and what would it be called?

Scott: I know, it would go to the shops and buy things for us, and do the housework.

Helen: And buy milk and sunglasses.

Scott, that’s what parents do already.

Scott: Alright, but we could get a robot to do it for us.

Helen: And pour milk.

Scott: And poo. Robots poo croissants.