Cannons

Helen’s great drawing of a cannon.

Helen: What are we going to talk about?

I was going to talk about how much you and Scott squabble.

Helen: Really?

Yeah.

Helen: What are we talking about?

How about how much you two fight?

Helen: No.

Scott: No thanks.

Helen: No way.

That’s the first time you’ve ever agreed.

Helen: Yeah.

Scott: Because it’s a very obvious no, really.

Helen: Yeah.

What’ll we talk about instead, then?

Helen: I don’t know – how about pink hair?

Scott: (laughing) Ha ha.

Helen: You’ve got long pink hair and you’ve got a very long fringe.

Scott: How about something else? Maybe something better, Helen?

Helen: How about Flittermouse?

Scott: What’s that about?

Helen: It’s a book.

Scott: Sounds crap.

Helen: Cannons?

Scott: Sounds okay.

Helen: Can we talk about cannons?

Do you want to talk about that?

Helen: Yeah.

Why?

Scott: I don’t know.

Helen:  I don’t know… Because they’re in Clash Of Clans.

What is a cannon?

Helen: I don’t know.

Scott: You don’t know – ha ha.

No idea?

Helen: No.

Scott: It’s a thing that shoots cannonballs.

And why do you use it?

Helen: I don’t know… You shoot people.

Scott: People don’t really use it much nowadays, unless it’s in a movie or something.

Helen: Or in a festival.

A festival?

Helen: I don’t know… I know – because they might be doing stunts where they shoot the person and they jump off.

Anything else about cannons?

Helen: Just let me think…

Scott: Not really.

Jinxes

Helen’s drawing of Scott and Helen jinxing each other…

Okay, what are we talking about?

Scott: Um…

Did you do anything exciting at school today?

Scott: No.

Helen: No.

Scott: Jinx!

Helen: We didn’t say it at the same time.

Scott: Technically we did.

We could talk about jinxes.

Scott: Okay – but I’m not that good at drawing it, though. I usually focus on the drawing, not the actual blog.

This can be the other way round.

Scott: What do you mean? Is it okay if I don’t do a drawing?

Helen: Basically, you have to do a drawing…

Okay, what is a jinx?

Scott: Em… When two people say the same thing at the same time and the person who says: “Jinx!” And the other person’s jinxed. It can be more than two people…

Helen: And if the other person who was jinxed speaks, they get punched.

Who invented it?

Scott: I don’t know.

Helen: Scott.

Scott: Hey! I didn’t! No-one knows – it’s like asking who invented board games.

Helen: I’m bored.

And why do you punch people?

Helen: When they talk.

Scott: Because they’re not allowed to talk when they’re jinxed.

Helen: Yeah.

Scott: I don’t know.

Do you know how annoying it is?

Scott: Yes.

Helen: Yes.

Scott and Helen: Jinx!

…And her drawing of what happens afterwards – Scott punching her.

Squabbling

Why do you two always squabble?

Scott: (long pause) Are we blogging about this? I don’t know why we just hit each other.

Why do you always hit each other?

Scott: Because Helen always starts it – that’s all you need to know.

Is that true, Helen?

Scott: Yes, it is true.

Helen: No, I never, ever start it.

Scott: That’s saying something – you always start it.

Helen: No, you always start it.

Scott: Someone’s a smart arse today…

Do you like each other?

Helen: No.

Scott: Well, we can’t put it when we’re not squabbling…

I annoys Mummy and Daddy when you fight…

Scott: I wish I remembered that any time we squabble…

Why don’t you ever remember it?

Scott: (pause) Eh… Because I keep forgetting.

What do you like best?

Scott: I don’t know what you’re talking about there.

What’s your favourite thing to do with Helen?

Helen: What?

I was asking Scott what he likes to do best with you.

Scott: Doing something with her which we never do because she always starts squabbling…

Helen: My favourite thing to do at school is play in the sand tray.

Scott: I’m going to kill you for this.

Would you be happier if you lived alone?

Scott: I would love being an only child.

Helen: Me too. I’ll be a lonely person sometimes.

Scott: It’s “only” – not “lonely”…

Helen and Scott: (singing) Lonely, I’m so lonely, I got nobody to call my own…

I think you’d be sad without each other.

Scott: No! We want to have at least our own rooms. I said at least!

Will you be friends when you’re older?

Scott: No chance.

Helen: No chance.

Scott: At all.

Helen: At all.

That makes me sad.

Scott: Someone sounds sure of it.

What do you mean?

Scott: I mean… You never know if we’re going to be friends or not.

But you said you wouldn’t?

Scott: I said we’re not sure – it’s just a guess.

No sister blogging

Scott: It’s the end of the holidays! Do that in size 72 writing, by the way…

It was your first day back at school – how was it?

Scott: Yes – boring.

Was it really boring?

Scott: No, but most people don’t like school.

That doesn’t mean you don’t have to as well.

Scott: But I don’t.

You like it, you mean?

Scott: I don’t like it.

Why not?

Scott: (pause) Let’s not talk about that! Next subject…

What do you want to talk about instead?

Scott: Aaaarrrghh! That’s not what I meant, I meant: “What’s the next question you’re going to ask?”

Did you have a good Easter break?

Scott: Boy I did. Shame Helen doesn’t get to blog – she should have her blog.

What do you think she would talk about?

Scott: (pause) Em… Whales… That was something she was like: “Whales whales whales whales whales.” Do you remember? Why don’t we give her a blog? “What the world’s like when you’re four.” But what would we name it?

What would you call it?

Scott: Quite a dumb name – so I won’t say it.

I think it’s funnier when you two talk together.

Scott: No! Give Helen a blog.

You don’t like her sometimes sharing yours?

Scott: Exactly.

Does it make you angry?

Scott: More than. It makes me crazy with her! Okay…

What were we talking about?

Scott: Helen getting a blog.

I like her sharing yours.

Scott: Nooooooooo!

But it’s still your blog.

Scott: I know – but I will not let her as long as we have turns baths. She will never have to say another word in the blog. Told you she’d never get a blog. The silly title I was thinking of was: “Helen and how she’s smellin’.”

Mint and Scott

What are we talking about tonight, then?

Helen: Scott.

Scott: Mint.

Helen: Let’s talk about Scott.

What are we…

Scott: Mint.

Helen: Scott.

Well, it’s Scott’s blog…

Helen: I could talk about Scott and Scott could talk about mint.

Scott: Let’s talk about mint.

Helen: And Scott.

Okay, let’s talk about mint.

Scott: Mint is… Well… How can I describe it? Zingy?

Helen: Minty.

Scott: That wouldn’t really be right to say, because…

Helen: Kind of.

Is mint nice?

Helen: No.

Scott: Yes.

Helen: No.

Scott: Yes. Can I have one of those minty things?

What about Scott, Helen?

Helen: He is very naughty.

Scott: Oh yeah, bahookie brain?

What else?

Helen: He does sometimes annoy me.

Scott: Can’t we do more about mint?

Do you like Scott, Helen?

Helen: No, but sometimes I do.

Almond Valley

Helen: Daddy, let’s talk about our day.

Okay, what did we do?

Helen: We went to East… We went to Almond Valley.

How was it?

Helen: Good.

What did was see?

Helen: Animals. Not many, but still a few.

What animals?

Helen: Well, we… Chickens.

Scott: So the animals we saw…

Helen: Were chickens.

Scott: Rabbits, guinea pigs…

Helen: Birds. Birds. Birds.

Scott: When did we see birds?

Helen: With the rabbits and guinea pigs. They were up at the top.

Scott: Oh yes – we saw chicks.

Helen: And egg holders.

Scott: Egg holders are not animals.

Did you learn anything?

Helen: No. Yes, we did. You have to put soap on your hands every time you stroke animals.

Scott: Everyone should know that by the age of four.

Helen: I know that – I’m telling people in the blog.

Scott: There’s people inside the blog?

Helen: People who are reading the blog.

Scott: Amazing – you don’t know what you said.

Helen: Yes, I did.

Scott: You don’t know anything.

Helen: Yes I do.

Scott, did you learn anything about paraffin lamps?

Scott: Oh yeah – a lot of bad things happen with paraffin lamps.

Like what?

Scott: Like, it’s usually burning someone.

Just as well we don’t use them any more.

Scott: Yes, it’s the best.

Squabbling

Well?

Helen: Life being unfair.

Scott: Squabbling.

Helen: Life being unfair.

What is squabbling?

Scott: Fighting, really.

Helen: What’s fighting, then?

Scott: You’d need to be very stupid not to know what it is.

Helen: I’m very clever and I know what fighting is.

Scott: I said you’d have to be very stupid – I didn’t say you wouldn’t know what it is.

Helen: The computer doesn’t know.

Scott: Yes, the blog is very stupid.

Why do you two squabble?

Scott: Because she always starts it.

Helen: He.

Scott: She.

Helen: He.

Scott: Let’s both say it…

Scott and Helen: Heshehesheheshe!

Do you think you’ll always squabble?

Scott: A lot of the time, yes.

Do you not like each other?

Helen: No.

Scott: You’re my worst enemy.

Helen: You’re my second enemy.

Scott: Oh – who’s first?

Helen: Enemy.

Do you really not like each other?

Scott: Just kidding!

Helen: Just kidding!

Scott. By Helen.

What would you like to talk about?

Helen: Eh… Scott.

Scott? Are you sure?

Helen: Yes.

What do you want to tell me?

Helen: It’s me! Eh…

No, about Scott. Do you like him?

Helen: No.

Scott: (whispering) Yes.

Helen: Not really, but I do kind of…

Why do you not like him?

Helen: I do a bit.

What’s the worst thing about him?

Helen: He might… Knock you on the head…

And what’s the best thing he does?

Helen: Eh… Eh… Eh…

Does he do anything nice?

Helen: Yes. Helps me.

Scott: When?

Helen: Putting on Sesame Street.

Do you love him?

Helen: Yes.

Do you like Helen, Scott?

Scott: Yes and no.

Helen: Why do you say no?

Scott: Sometimes she’s good and sometimes she’s a nipple end get-er on-er.

Siblings Part 2

Helen drawn by Scott (left) with Scott drawn by Helen (right),

Another conversation about siblings…

You said earlier on you were starting to care about Helen.

Scott: Well, not really – then she just got really annoying, so I’ve given up on it now.

Why did you start caring for her?

Scott: Because she looked very, very sad.

Why did she look sad?

Scott: She was just sitting in a sort of sad way.

And how did that make you feel?

Scott: Like I should care for her for once.

Helen: And I think I like you.

Scott: Thank you Helen, you always have.

Have you always liked Scott?

Helen: Yes.

Scott: I’m right on that one.

Helen: That’s right face for once.

What do you like about Scott?

Helen: Eh… he’s really nice.

And what do you like about Helen, Scott?

Scott: Well, she’s always too cute to stand it.

And you love each other.

Scott: Well…

Helen: Yes.

Scott: We do if you uncover the secret.

Helen: Yes, we’ll be whispering it soon.

Scott: That’s funny…

Helen: (whispers) We love each other. Daddy, did you hear my secret?

Yes, I think it’s nice you love each other.

Scott: Yes, but while Helen’s ill, I’m never going to kiss her though.

Siblings

Scott's drawing of Helen.

What are you going to talk about?

Scott: I want to talk about Helen.

Helen: People.

Scott: I want to talk about Helen.

What do you want to tell me about her?

Scott: I was trying to tell you we’re going to talk about Helen.

Tell me then.

Scott: Helen can be very annoying at times and sometimes she’s pretty nice.

When is she annoying?

Scott: (pause) When I’m trying to do something that makes me happy, she just butts in and makes it annoying. I was trying to have a pudding and she kept giving me Lego coins – that was quite annoying.

When is she nice?

Scott: When she’s being very kind and not annoying and when I’m happy.

I do think you like her, though.

Scott: Yes, I do, but if she was less annoying, I’d like her even more.

Would you rather have a brother?

Scott: That would be a lot better.

Helen, what do you want to tell me about Scott?

Helen: He’s sometimes nasty to me and sometimes a bit good. When he’s good, sometimes he just takes a picture. Sometimes when he’s bad he just fights me and fights me. Let’s talk about Old McDonald had a farm.

Scott: Do you not want to talk about me any more?

Helen: Nah.