Yesterday, there was an angry debate about whether animals could actually talk, so Daddy turned to the most reliable of sources, the internet, to prove he was right…

Scott: Okay, now I believe you. Okay, now I believe you. I thought the dog who said ‘sausages’ was funny.

Helen: I thought the parrot was funny. Daddy, I liked the parrot.

So do you believe animals can talk?

Helen: No.

Scott: Now I do.

Helen: Now I do, but I didn’t.

So what do you think?

Scott: Now I think they exist and I think they’re quite silly. One went: “Talk to me.”

What creature?

Scott: A… Bird… And I like the one that had sound effects.

So can animals talk?

Scott:  No no no no no no.

Helen: Well, a parrot can’t.

A parrot can’t?

Helen: No.

Why not?

Helen: Because they’ve not got a mouth.

Scott: Yes, they do have, to say: “twit twoo.”

What do parrots have instead of mouths?

Helen: Beaks.

Can all animals talk?

Scott: I just said: no.

What animals can talk?

Scott: Parrots. A few dogs can… it’s especially birds that can.

And what animals can’t?

Scott: A few dogs can’t. Rhinos and dinosaurs etc etc.

Can any humans not talk?

Scott: Dumb ones can’t. Dumb is a word for can’t speak. Some humans can’t speak, yes.